conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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