I could have mohawked her pubes.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
