look no pants
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
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