Who did Billy Mays play for?
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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