I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
