OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
