just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
