I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
