90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
