if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
