I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
