Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Randomize
