And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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