Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Randomize
