ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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