Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Randomize
