That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
