when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Randomize
