i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
