"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
