if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
