I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
