I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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