I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
