nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
