got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Randomize
