We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Randomize
