Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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