my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
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