bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Help. Why am I so naked?
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