No, drunk sperm still make babies.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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