happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
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