I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Randomize
