so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
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