dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
