Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
i believe in u and ur pee
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
there is glitter all over my balls
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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