she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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