What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
