I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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