You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
