So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
