I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
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