Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
