Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
