I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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