you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Houston, we have a blender
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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