I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
At least life still wants to fuck me.
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