You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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