he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
