oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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