oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Randomize
