Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
